A Monologue of Flowing Waters



darkness is already here, as I walk along an isolated pavement.
I keep my hands inside my pocket; the warmth brought by it fulfills the emptiness that lies in my restlessness.

where am I? I am lost in a middle of nowhere—a place I do know.
where is it? I seek something that will never exist—something that in my life will never be comprised.
where it could be? now that things have settled to be more unsettled—is it worth staying in a place filled with forsaken joy?
where, O, where? pull me up in this mellow place. a space of vacuumed feelings.
a place I do not belong.

what am I? do I really exist?
or maybe, yes I exist, but only to survive?
what is the reason to live? does my soul be got lost in a withered room of solitude? or it was taken unknowingly by me of something called agony?
what pain is this? what sorrow it was? what is a smile? what is happiness?
I do not have any of those. for it was stolen at me and was thrown into the wilderness full of thorns and anguish.

how could it be? that I who’s once attributed to contentment was now wiped of pain; forlorn.
how can I go back? if the road was blocked and was hindered, was erased.
how come I’ve come? in this moment of the drought of hope and joy and freedom.
how? o, how could it happen that I’ll be enough again, as it looked like before?

when will be? the last time I’ll enjoy being alone
when could it happen? that I will never think of being lonely as I take for granted those times I feel alone.
when will you come back? o, you, the pleasure of being me.
when can we? stop for a moment and breathe.

I cry as I look on nowhere.
I sob as I give a thought to the next hours of this life.
this life filled with uncertainty.
a cycle of wrath against who I really am.

when thoughts keep me up at night, all things come up after being locked;
who the hell you are to put me in this cage?
where I reach the unprecedented predicament that I put my existence into qualm?
why can’t you just speak for yourself?
how come I was caged and chained unknowingly?
do leave a reason to live? or is it merely to perish?
or staying is a reason to die? or is it solely to prevail?

wind me up to those heavens. I cannot handle it anymore. more than so to seek another time which is predictable to be worst than it is that happened.


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